Strip Poker
by Sparkling Cyanide
Summary: The gang decides to play a good old fashioned card game. Much is revealed. ^_~ Now complete: a oneshot in four parts! R/R.
1. Let the games begin

A/N: This story was one of those things that seemed like a good idea at two in the morning. I got the idea from a challenge I found on the internet.  
  
Standard Disclaimers Apply  
  
Strip Poker  
  
The group lounged around the clearing, bored. It was an unusually quite day in Sengoku Jidai and they didn't really know what to do with themselves. There had been no rumors of shards and Kagome had recently returned so there was no reason for her to go home. It was a warm sunny day and Shippo had long ago fallen asleep for lack of anything better to do.  
  
Listening to Inuyasha grumble and complain, Kagome was struck with an idea. She knew what could entertain them. Pulling a battered deck of cards from her bag, she began to teach them the rules of poker. To her surprise, they all caught on quickly, even Inuyasha, and they seemed interested in the game. Well, Kagome thought, why wouldn't they be interested? There's nothing else to do around here.  
  
"One of the thrills of poker," Kagome continued in her explanation of the rules, "is the betting."  
  
"Betting?" Inuyasha asked.  
  
"Um. I don't have much money." Sango protested.  
  
"Neither do I." Miroku added.  
  
"What's the matter Miroku?" came Inuyasha's sarcastic reply. "Did you run out of people to swindle?"  
  
Kagome decided to stop this before it escalated into an argument.  
  
"I know a way we can play that doesn't use money and makes the stakes even higher."  
  
"What's that?" Inuyasha and Miroku dropped the disagreement and looked at her with interest.  
  
"We could play strip poker!"  
  
"Strip poker?!" Kagome watched their jaws drop in shock.  
  
"That's right." She said calmly. "Instead of losing money, the loser of each round must remove an article of clothing."  
  
"Well." Sango considered. "We've got nothing else to do."  
  
"I'm in!" Miroku said with a lecherous smile as he placed himself between the two girls.  
  
"Are you going to join us Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, knowing that he'd probably refuse.  
  
"Of course. You think I'd let the lecher here hog all the eye-candy?"  
  
Kagome raised an eyebrow. Inuyasha was usually more stubborn and not nearly so perverse. Miroku was a bad influence on him.  
  
"What makes you think Sango and I are going to lose?"  
  
"Well," Inuyasha considered. "The loser is the one who gets to "reveal all" so to speak and looking at the group, there's a 3 in 4 chance that the loser is not going to me and a 1 in 2 chance that the loser will be a girl."  
  
They were momentarily shocked by such an intelligent expression. Who would have thought that Inuyasha was good at math? Kagome made a mental note to ask him for help with her next test.  
  
"I like those odds." Miroku said to himself as they took their places and shuffled the cards.  
  
~*~*~*~Hours later~*~*~*~  
  
"What's so funny?" Inuyasha had now been forced to reveal his medieval underwear.  
  
"Looks like you don't have much left to lose." Sango said wryly.  
  
"From the looks of it," Inuyasha retorted, "neither do you!"  
  
The entire group sat around wearing nothing more than their undergarments. Fortunately the weather was warm. This next round had many of the players nervous, except for Miroku. He could always sacrifice some of the earrings that decorated his ears and, they had recently discovered, other pierce- able places as well.  
  
The girls shifted nervously wishing that Miroku would stop ogling them. Fortunately for him, Sango had lost all her weapons in a previous round.  
  
"Ha ha!" Kagome laughed at Inuyasha as the round finished. "Looks like you lose the underwear!"  
  
"That's what you think!"  
  
"Huh?" Kagome looked at him. He was wearing nothing more than the underwear and the rosary beads around his neck and there was no way in hell she was taking those off for him. If she did, she'd never get them back on.  
  
They all watched curiously as Inuyasha brought his hands to his head and removed.  
  
.a WIG?!  
  
"What?" he tone was defensive as he held the long white wig in one hand. "You actually thought this was real?!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Oh come on! Don't tell me you didn't see that coming. 


	2. Game Over

A/N: Although this was originally intended as a oneshot, I couldn't help but add a little more. I had no idea it would be so popular. Thanks for the response. Enjoy. Standard Disclaimers Apply  
  
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  
  
Strip Poker Part 2: Game Over  
  
"Stupid probability." Miroku muttered under his breath as he and Inuyasha carefully found their way though the forest's thick underbrush. At the moment, he had quite a lot in common with Kagome. She blamed all her problems on math.  
  
"Hey Inuyasha!" he called out to the figure walking in front of him. "Can I ask you a question?"  
  
Inuyasha tensed. He could almost see the question without it being spoken.  
  
"I think I speak for everyone when I say 'What's with the wig'?!" Miroku's mind, as well as those of the others, was still reeling with the shock of this revelation.  
  
"Isn't obvious?" came the cold reply. "Girls love it."  
  
Miroku responded with a wry smile. "I do believe my influence is rubbing off on you."  
  
"Don't remind me." Inuyasha said, irritated. Then he added "Do you know what happened to Kagome and Sango?"  
  
Miroku shrugged. "The last I saw of them, they were headed in the opposite direction."  
  
Inuyasha nodded. It was understandable. They were all somewhat embarrassed at the moment.  
  
Inuyasha, having calculated the odds of the game, had failed to consider Murphy's Law and therefore was the first to lose. He was then forced to sit there, naked as the day he was born, while the others continued the game. Miroku, liking the game's new odds, had also neglected Murphy's Law. So naturally, he was forced to join Inuyasha in the loser department. The two losers then had the pleasure of watching Kagome and Sango laugh themselves nearly to the point of unconsciousness because their bad luck was just that funny. After picking themselves up off the ground and wiping away their tears, the girls decided that playing strip poker between two people of the same gender wasn't as much fun. They both quit the game much to Miroku's profound disappointment. Only later did the four of them realize that they had been forgetting something quite important.  
  
"I guess this gives a whole new meaning to 'losing one's shirt'." Miroku couldn't resist the bad joke as it pretty well summed up their current situation.  
  
Inuyasha took a deep breath and slowly counted to ten, resisting the temptation to slap Miroku in the head.  
  
Both paused as they came to the edge of a clearing. After carefully looking in all directions, they made a mad dash to the other side. Hopefully, if they were lucky, they wouldn't run in to someone they knew, or anyone else for that matter.  
  
"So tell me, O great mathematical genius." Miroku resumed his annoying banter when they were safely undercover once again. "What's the probability that one of us four will get their hands around the neck of the little kitsune brat who stole all our clothes?!" 


	3. Poker Night with Fluffy

A/N: Someone suggested that I include the bad guys. The idea was too good to pass up. They may be slightly OOC but it's still funny. Enjoy. (Standard Disclaimers Apply)  
  
Strip Poker Part 3: Poker Night with Fluffy  
  
Screams of indignation could be heard echoing through the forest as Inuyasha and his friends searched desparately for their missing clothing. A tall man clad in baboon skin stood in the clearing, listening with amusement.  
  
"Inuyasha wears a wig?" Naraku found it difficult to contain his laughter. "Does that mean you do as well, Sesshoumaru?"  
  
The cold inu youkai bristled with anger. "I do not need to prove anything to you! What are you hiding under that monkey skin anyway?"  
  
The two glared at each other from across the clearing but before the argument could escalate, a third female voice intervened.  
  
"I know a way we could settle this gentlemen."  
  
"What do you recommend, Kikyo?"  
  
Kikyo only smiled mysteriously and pulled a battered deck of cards from her sleeve. "We could play our own game of strip poker."  
  
"Where did you get those?" Naraku asked, indicating the cards. They had obviously been made in modern Tokyo because nothing like them had ever been seen in Sengoku Jidai before.  
  
"Oh," she replied nonchalantly. "I stole them from that little b*tch's backpack when she wasn't looking."  
  
"She stole your man so you stole her deck of cards?" Sesshoumaru asked wryly, amazed that the undead Miko wasn't a bit more vindictive.  
  
"There are some who would consider that a fair trade." Kikyo eyed Sesshoumaru coldly. "Besides, I am interested in the outcome of this game. It's not the authenticity of your hair that I question-it's you tail."  
  
One does not openly slight Sesshoumaru and expect to escape unscathed. Yet another argument would have taken place had Naraku not stepped in and distracted them all with more pointless conversation.  
  
"A game of strip poker sounds like a good idea but do you think we can convince anyone else to play. A group of three seems rather small."  
  
"Why don't we ask Jaken and Rin." Kikyo suggested, hoping to annoy Sesshoumaru and succeeding.  
  
"Hell no!" he burst out, his cold exterior broken. "For one thing Jaken's disgusting!" he shuddered convulsively. "And would you really want to be responsible for corrupting such a young girl? She probably wouldn't understand anyway! I can almost hear her questions already." He mimicked Rin's high-pitched voice. "Sesshoumaru-samaaaaaa! What's that?"  
  
At this, the others shuddered. Teaching a ten year old sex-ed wasn't exactly high on their list of priorities.  
  
"Why don't we ask Kagura and Kanna instead?"  
  
"Sorry Sesshoumaru." Naraku replied. "I sent the two of them out earlier today to kill Inuyash-I mean," he amended, catching Kikyo's jealous eye, "to keep an eye on Inuyasha and intervene if Kagome tries to make a move on him." Naraku then mentally congratulated himself on the nice save.  
  
"They shouldn't have a problem." Sesshoumaru actually laughed. "When I last checked, that wig-wearing idiot was still looking for his pants!"  
  
Sesshoumaru had been anticipating a sarcastic reply from Kikyo but it never came. At the moment she was torn between making that reply and sneaking off to take a peak at Inuaysha (-_~). So torn between two alternatives, she did neither. She merely said: "Why don't we ask my sister?"  
  
"You have a sister?" Sesshoumaru was shocked.  
  
"She's younger than I am and she doesn't get out much. I'm sure she'd love a game of poker."  
  
"Well, we've got no one else." Naraku agreed. The issue settled, Kikyo disappeared in a swirl of soul-stealing snakes.  
  
"I didn't know that Kikyo had a younger sister." Sesshoumaru mused. "Maybe she's evil. and cute!" His tone was reminiscent of a certain perverted monk.  
  
Naraku was also pondering. Suddenly he looked up, his face panicked. "Wait a minute! I killed Kikyo fifty years ago!"  
  
"So."  
  
"That would mean that her sister's." His voice trailed off. Kikyo had reappeared, followed by the elderly Kaede. They sat down and Kikyo began to shuffle the cards.  
  
Naraku and Sesshoumaru looked at Kaede again. They looked back at each other for confirmation and then shuddered in unison.  
  
"Un.Kikyo?" Naraku began, holding his cloak close around him. "I don't think strip poker is such a good idea anymore. It's starting to get cold." The lie wasn't convincing. The sun was still high in the sky.  
  
"Yeah." Sesshoumaru agreed, clutching his tail. "Why don't we have a game of Old Hag-I mean, Old Maid instead?"  
  
Kikyo smiled and laughed. The sound struck fear into their demon hearts.  
  
Inuyasha and his friends weren't the only ones who ran through the forest screaming that day.  
  
~*~ A/N: Almost makes you feel bad for Naraku-almost. I guess Kikyo is a lot more evil than Fluffy gives her credit for. 


	4. Enter the Wolf

A/N: Well, this is it. The shocking conclusion to my one shot in four parts. Hope you enjoy. I certainly had fun writing it.  
  
Standard Disclaimers Apply  
  
Strip Poker Part Four: Enter the Wolf  
  
Of all the days Kouga could have chosen to go looking for Kagome, today had to be the most inconvient. Of course, Kouga was not aware of this. He merely assumed that today was as good a day as any to pick the usual fight with Dogturd.  
  
As he walked beneath the trees of Inuyasha's Forest, he noted that it was strangely still and silent. Kouga knew that where ever Kagome went, trouble followed. She and the others were always blowing up some demon or another looking for shards. So the forest's eerie stillness was unusual. But the lack of noise did not bother the wolf. His only concern at the moment was finding "his woman".  
  
Kouga stopped rather abruptly, noting that the texture of the ground had changed. The reason, he discovered after looking at his feet, was because he had stepped on a pile of thick red cloth. Picking it up, he sniffed at it absently. It was a shirt. Not only that, it was Inuyasha's shirt. The guy was obviously a bigger idiot than Kouga had previously assumed having lost his clothes for God knows what reason. How embarrassing!  
  
But just as Kouga was snickering at the plight of his rival, the wolf noticed something else. The laughter died on his lips. Lying there beside the rest of Inuyasha's clothes was Kagome's green and white school uniform! The wolf knew that Kagome and Inuyasha often traveled in company which could only mean that right now--at this very moment--the two were together... somewhere... NAKED!!!  
  
Jealous fire coursed through his body at the thought of what that b@$t@rd could be doing to his woman. But before he could storm off in a fit of rage, he noticed another thing. A large pile of other clothes--an exterminator outfit, the robes of a Buddist priest, a fancy white kimono, two sets of Miko's robes, a babboon pelt and various other weapons and accessories--were also lying on the ground.  
  
"What the hell are these people doing?!" Kouga exclaimed aloud, trying to keep his already wandering mind out of the gutter.  
  
Little did he know that his question was about to be answered. Already he could hear the sounds of a large, rather disgruntled group of people approaching.  
  
Kouga stepped back in shock as eight completely naked people of varing age and description dove into the pile at his feet and quickly began to put on the first article of clothing that came to hand.  
  
As the dust settled an irate voice could be heard shouting "THESE AREN'T MY PANTS!" Inuyasha was standing there, wearing red pants as usual but these had a distinctly more feminine cut.   
  
"What's with his hair?!" Kouga wondered.  
  
The others looked around. Much to their embarassment they saw that in their haste they had all taken the wrong clothes. How Sesshoumaru had managed to fit into Kagome's school uniform, one can only guess, but it still wasn't as amazing as the feat Naraku accomplished, having squeezed into Sango's exterminator outfit. (This was merely proof of the fact that men are NOT meant to wear spandex!) Kikyo and Kaede, dressed in a baboon pelt and monks robes, snickered at Inuyasha and Miroku who had taken theirs by mistake. Inuyasha meanwhile could be overheard loudly picking a fight with Sango who refused to return his clothes in front of everyone else. Kagome simply stood there wondering when was the last time Sesshoumaru washed his kimono.  
  
Instead of trying to find a reasonable and intelligent solution to this predicament, the group simply dicided to grab their own clothes from the other person. Unfortunately, this wasn't a very successful strategy. As a result, most of the fabric was shredded, leaving them in a worse situation than before. The only thing that remained intact was the babboon pelt being made of a much more durable material.  
  
It was also large and heavy and every member of the indecently clad group wanted it... At this point, Kouga deemed it to be in his best interest to quietly retreat to the edge of the clearing. He wasn't wrong. The wolf had only just reached the shelter of the trees when a brawl erupted before him.  
  
Kouga heard eerie laughter echo down from the tree branches above him and realized he wasn't the only one witnessing the scene. Looking up he saw a tiny kitsune, the only person beside himself who was fully clothed. This kitsune was unusual. He wore a long white ill-fitting wig on his head and had a furry white boa wrapped around his shoulders. In his hands he playfully shuffled a deck of cards.  
  
Feeling Kouga's gaze on him, the kitsune looked down at the wolf and smiled. "Don't ask." was the only thing he said.   
  
To this Kouga simply replied, "Don't tell."  
  
~*~  
End 


	5. Summary

Strip Poker Summary of Winners!!!  
  
  
  
Round One: Inuyasha (a lot can be said for shock treatment!)  
  
Round Two: All those drooling fangirls. ^.~  
  
Round Three: Kaede (nuff said.)  
  
Round Four: Kouga (although he may be mentally scarred for life.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Strip Poker Grand Champion:  
  
SHIPPO  
  
(Oh come on. You know that kid is evil.) 


End file.
